It's a Tough Life!

Poor little Chili has such a tough life. For one, here Momma is so mean. Oh yes, I am certainly one mean momma. The things I do to her sometimes, are unthinkable. I know she wonders why I’m so mean to her...why I do these terrible things to her. I can’t help it. I’m just that way. I’m her momma and that’s what momma’s do.

It starts innocently, I don’t want to tip her off. I grab a handful of towels and playfully ask Chili to follow me upstairs. I’m very sneaky. When we get there, I shut the bedroom door to ensure there is no escape. At this point, Chili knows something is up. I can see it in her eyes, the look of concern, and the crinkly head. She’s thinking, “No momma, NO, I don’t want to and I’ve worked so hard to be stanky!” I speak to her ever so sweetly, luring her into the chamber of torture. Ha, Ha, Ha, she has no choice but to follow. There’s nowhere else to go. I pull out the carefully chosen all natural mixture and step into the chamber. The torture apparatus is turned on. I take my time making sure the temperature is just right. Yes, I’m so mean. After all, Chili now has the perfect stank on that she’s worked very hard at. Day after day of building it to a point where it’s refined, then in steps her momma, to wreck everything.

I call her into the Chamber and close the door. Now the real torture begins. Chili must stand there and take it. I soak her down and put the all natural mixture all over her. Yes, a special mixture to make sure she doesn’t get dry skin. Ha, I’m so mean. Then the worst of the worst... the full body massage. Oh yes, she’s so tortured, just look into her eyes. I carefully and thoroughly rinse her down then the final step of the process. The towel of torture. Chili knows it’s all ending soon and starts to get antsy. Biting at the towel, shoving herself back and forth between my legs and hopping around as much as she can. Shaking and shaking to soak down her torturer. “Take that Momma!” Then the biggest insult of all, she gets a treat. How could I be so mean? Someone or something must pay for this.

Once her toes are dried, the chamber door is opened, but she can’t leave. She must wait for the signal that it’s OK. She’s already planning her attack. There’s no way she’s the only one who will be tortured today. Once she is released she heads straight out of the chamber in search of a victim. Who will it be? The unstuffed squirrel, no..... the wingless chicken, no...ahh the victim has been chosen, it’s the headless giraffe.

Chili pounces on her giraffe, grabs it with her mouth, and shakes it so hard it goes flying across the room. “Ha, so there giraffe.” Then she bounds down the stairs and zooms around the house looking for a bodycheck victim. Oh look, there’s daddy, perfect. He did allow momma to torture her so he shouldn’t get off easy. She bounds into her daddy, and stomps all over him. “So there, daddy, now you’re wet too!”

The life of Chili is a tough life. Baths, toe-nail clippings, and rules to follow. She only gets two meals a day and isn’t given human food because it upsets her belly. Who do mommy and daddy think they are? Not sharing their food and treats, it’s an unspeakable offense to such a sweet little girl. And toe-nail clipping, who ever thought that up? Ridiculous. Oh yes, Chili has a tough life.